SAYING GOODBYE

How do I say goodbye to someone I badly want in my life? Can you just imagine how hard it's going to be for me? Should I literally say it or just abruptly banish in the blue? No matter how many times I've thought about it, can I really let him go?

While watching DVD last night but as usual, my mind was wandering... thinking of him. In a sentimental mood, I thought about how things would be if I never get to chat with him, talk to him, and see him again (even if it's only through my mind). To my surprise, tears rolled down my face. Omigod, why am I crying? I immediately went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face then went back to watch the movie. I was watching cartoon by the way, and it's supposed to be a light and funny.

For chrissakes, where did those tears come from?!!!? I know he is not serious about me. I know for him everything is just for fun and I am not expecting nor asking him to love me either, and as much as possible, I try not to think about how I really feel because I don't want to find out I'm already falling in love with him. I don't like it when he mentions the word love which for me is a sacred word and feeling - not to be said just for the sake of saying it. Funny thing is, even if I know his true intentions, I still let him into my life. I know I'm making a fool out of myself yet I allow this madness to happen.

Going back, if I didn't reply to the very first message I got from him, none of this would have happened...I'd still be a good girl living a perfectly normal life. Prior to that, I have already received a number of messages like his from other guys(best described as pick-up lines)- and I ignored them all. As in ALL, except him. Why??? And if we were destined to meet and be close, why just now?

Oh, this is not good at all. I myself was even surprised on how emotional I got at the thought of getting him out of my life. If this is the case, then I should really say goodbye before it's too late.

But how? and when?